Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
