please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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