Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
