Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
