I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
