Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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