Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize