did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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