she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
