i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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