I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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