Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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