our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
