just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
