Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
not ubering you a puppy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
