now i know why i became what i already was.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize