So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
