I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
