non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
