I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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