Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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