so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
