i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
