Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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