U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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