I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
