you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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