i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
