There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
