Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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