I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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