My friends, they love my intelligence
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
