I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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