How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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