I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
