Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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