He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
