We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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