Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
last night I used snow as a chaser
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
