We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
