I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
