What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
