a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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