We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
