it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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