just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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