Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
