im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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