Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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