Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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