He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
