so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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