Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
