i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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