I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
