It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
