Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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