I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
