But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize