Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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