It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
