I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
