Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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