i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Still dying that you shit outside
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
