i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
