you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
