stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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