if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
