Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
