i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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