I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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