i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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