apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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