Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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