If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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