It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
