It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
