ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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